BeziehungsproblemNarzissmus in the relationship: Love that destroys your life

A relationship with a narcissistic people is extremely difficult. How narcissism affects love and what treatment may help explain here Eric Hegmann, an experienced pair of consultants and eHarmony coach from Hamburg.

 

How do I know narcissism?

The selfish, narcissistic man who considers himself the center of the world and for a gift to the women, then the most present a narcissist. In his public image a narcissist also appears exactly, but if you look at the dazzling surface, deep chasms of self-doubt Find.

Narcissism makes a relationship extremely difficult - what can help it.Narcissism makes a relationship extremely exhausting.
Photo: iStock

Narcissistic vary on the one hand between a strongly developed and on the other hand a strongly exaggerated outward self-esteem. They feel constantly threatened by their environment as a result, with them, is completely lost the ability to empathize with their fellow empathy. This makes them so difficult to predict - and thus unsuitable as a partner for love relationships.

It is believed that narcissistic personality disorders in less than half a percent of the population occur, usually - but not always - men are affected. Narcissism formed, probably by several factors, there are numerous theories like hereditary factors, external influences and extreme loyalty behavior that is marked in early childhood. Researchers now believe that probably more than just one factor alone leads to a narcissistic personality disorder.

If instead you are a narcissist together is not important, why he has come to this. The only important how you dissociate yourself quickly and protect can.

 

Is a loving relationship with a narcissist possible?

Relationships with narcissists result in emotional dependencies. An example from the relationship counseling (names changed):

Thomas and Mary have been married for ten years, she wants long a child, he always finds new reasons why it is too early to start a family: yet a step on the career ladder, only a bigger apartment, maybe even a house, only a world tour ... Maria feels in the relationship unsafe, it looks much closeness, because she finds little confirmation of Thomas. He tends to retreat, takes a long time for himself, his desire is standard clearance, his horror is to be "other-directed", as he puts it. When Thomas and Maria come to the consultation, they want - initiated by Maria - talk about their desire to have children.

Quick turns out that the two are caught in a difficult couple dynamics: She has an anxious attachment attitude, striving constantly to his love, would do anything for him; while he enjoys the attention, but returns nothing. On the contrary: He accuses her of harassing him with their desire for children. Where he would still only make things for them, the hard work, long hours, little free time. out in the third session is the fact that Thomas leads an affair with a work colleague for two years. Maria is shocked, but wonders now what guilt she bears in mind that it's come to this. Thomas cleverly manipulated the talks as if he were the victim and deserves understanding.

Narcissists almost always recognizes an extreme, avoidant attachment entertainment, that is, they are afraid to give up their autonomy in a relationship, they fear getting lost in a partnership and we fight like lions for their freedom. They are masters of manipulation and twisting facts elegant and seconds. The partner, usually an anxious type of bond, thus it feels continuously the responsibility to prove his love and to appease the narcissist to soothe or to earn his affection.

 

Can you do something about the narcissism of the partner?

Here it must be said very clearly: With a narcissist no partnership of equals can lead and with a narcissist can ever make any love relationship. Not because he only loves himself - that looks just like this - but because he can not love yourself and therefore no one else.

Therefore narcissists also experience major depressive phases often because they perceive criticism and rejection as a life-threatening menace.

 

From when narcissism is pathological and it needs to be treated?

narcissism is a morbid personality disorder that requires psychotherapy. However, it is the nature of this disorder is that sufferers are not able to realize that there was something wrong with them. On the contrary, for they are always others to blame. In the example of Mary and Thomas, he was actually convinced that Mary's fertility had driven him into the arms and bed of another woman. His victim was not played, so incomprehensible as it may seem from another perspective.

In couples counseling another work with such a pair of constellation is almost impossible. Without empathy, no relationship can be built. And empathy is what narcissists missing - although they will affirm constantly, like "well they could empathize." They can not. Not even himself.

Therefore, once the warning: A relationship with a narcissist is a nightmare for the partner. Narcissism is difficult to treat because of the lack of insight into the illness of the person concerned, for this reason there is for partners only escape from the often emotional dependence.

 

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